I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Fuck appropriateness.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
