sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
