I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
