They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize