i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
