Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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