I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
