I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
