She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...