The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome