She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
