I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
