and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize