Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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