Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
