dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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