my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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