better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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