i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
