I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
