I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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