Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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