There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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