Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
