I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
