What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
