How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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