I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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