guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Randomize
