I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
