it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
