I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
