his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We had to coat check the pizza.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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