The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
