just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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