I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
