addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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