So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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