my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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