I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
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