So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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