That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
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Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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