I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
