So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
