I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need a beard to bite.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
