I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
