Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
