My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
