she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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