well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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