Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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