I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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