apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
