Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
