Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
