Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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