Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
