ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
