Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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