so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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