He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My dick has a subreddit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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