we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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