I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
